She brings him good, not harm...

I had something of an epiphany over the weekend. It wasn't a sudden "AHA!" moment, but more of a gradual progression of ideas that led to a realization over a 24 hour period.  It all began as I was posting Meal Shortcuts for Baseball Moms Saturday morning.  As I linked recipes to each shortcut method, I began to think, "Whoa!  I sure do cook a lot of pasta!" and "Whoa!  I sure do use a lot of cheese!"  Now, I do believe firmly in my menu planning, shopping, and cooking methods, and I've always known that my meals are better alternatives than fast food, BUT I really started worrying Saturday if I am doing what is BEST for my family with the meals I prepare.

Later that afternoon, my husband began feeling "under the weather."  He was tired, with little energy and no desire to get out of the recliner.  In fact, he ended up napping on and off most of the evening.  These symptoms were certain indicators that his sugar was high.  You see, he was diagnosed with diabetes about three years ago.  He was told at the time of his diagnosis that he could manage the disease with proper diet and exercise.  Well, about a year ago, he began taking pills to control his blood sugar - still no need for insulin but in the direction he's headed, it may be just around the corner. 

Until now, I have stood firm in my belief that it isn't what he eats, but how much he eats that is the problem.  I further justified that it isn't my cooking's fault, instead it is his fault, because he doesn't exercise enough.  However, when he wasn't feeling well Saturday, my guilt began to grow.  Maybe there are things I can do.  I mean, I had already questioned my cooking earlier that day.  What if my meal choices are contributing to his downward spiral?

The slow progression toward my epiphany continued that night.  He was up watching a movie, and I went to bed.  I had trouble falling asleep, so I grabbed my Bible and decided to make my way through the book of Proverbs! (I'm a fast reader, and insomnia is sometimes my greatest enemy, so I made it through the entire book.)  When I got to Chapter 31, I took my time - carefully reading line by line.  I have read the passage of the "noble wife" every morning for years.  This time, I was led back to the first few lines about the "noble wife."

The wife of noble character, who can find?
She is worth far more than rubies.
Her husband has full confidence in her
and lacks nothing of value.
She brings him good, not harm,
all the days of her life.
Proverbs 31:10-12 NIV

That last line weighed heavily on me:  "Am I bringing my husband "good" or "harm" through the meals I prepare?"  As I thought about my good intentions, could I honestly say that our meals do him "good"?  The overwhelming answer to this question was a resounding "NO!"  I fell asleep in prayer, asking God for guidance. 

When I woke Sunday morning, I shared my revelation with my husband.  In his usual style, he had very little to say, but he seemed deep in thought.  What was he thinking?  Did he agree with my realization? That I too had to take some responsibility because of the food I bring into our home and set on our table?  We had several hours before time for church, so I pulled out my copy of "Diabetic Cookbook for Dummies" and began reading voraciously.  Two hours later, I had made it through the first five chapters.  Apparently, there is quite a bit that I can change!

So, here's the next phase in my Busy Mom's Menu for Life!  How can I adapt my meal preparation and, really, help the entire family with a significant lifestyle change under the constraints of our busy life?  Can I create yummy, quick-n-easy meals that will allow my husband's health to improve and keep him off the path to daily insulin shots?  I believe I can, and I will do everything in my power to make this happen, so that he can have full confidence in me - knowing that I bring him GOOD, not HARM every day of his life!

Look at how far I've come...

     My husband and I will celebrate our 15th wedding anniversary this summer!  I was lying in bed tonight thinking about those early days of marriage, and I felt compelled to get up, grab my laptop, and share a few of those thoughts with you.  When we were first married, we rented a little house full of charm and character.  It was such a "cute" house that I signed the lease on it before David had even seen it.  Bad idea!  We soon learned that this charming old house was full of flaws.  For one thing, it had no central heat.  There were two wall-mounted heaters:  one in the kitchen and one in the bedroom.  These were supposed to heat the entire house, but they certainly didn't! 
     Now you have to understand that I am terribly cold-natured, so waking up to a cold house every morning was torture for me.   However, my sweet husband - still in a state of newlywed bliss - would get up every morning before me, walk across the cold house, and turn on a small space heater in the bathroom.  He would wake me when the bathroom was warm and toasty so that I could get my shower in comfort.  I know that may seem like a small gesture, but it was one done out of love.
    I had so many dreams in those early years of the kind of wife and mother I would be, but for many, many years, I felt like I had fallen short of those high expectations.  There have been many times that I have felt like a complete failure as a woman, and I felt alone, like all other women knew what they were doing and I was the only one who ever struggled.  As women, I think we sometimes alienate each other by putting on a false front, refusing to show any weakness, therefore making other women feel inferior.  I felt that way for years, sometimes spending weeks, even months at a time, in a state of deep depression. 
    Years ago, I made a copy of the Proverbs 31 passage about the noble wife and placed it in my "Mommy Notebook" that I use to keep schedules, menus, grocery shopping lists - all the things that help my house run smoothly.  I have read the passage every morning since my boys were little.  But for a very long time, instead of seeing the verses as an source of encouragement, they often served as a reminder of all that I wasn't!  You see, no matter how hard I tried, I just couldn't see how I could ever become that kind of woman.  I felt like a failure!
     However, something changed in me last summer, about the time of our 14th anniversary.  God opened my eyes to an entirely different perspective of my role as a wife and mother, and my role as a Godly woman.  I had seen that "noble wife" as an unattainable goal, but God revealed to me that those verses of scripture were meant to serve as a guide for the JOURNEY toward becoming all that He created me to be.   Most importantly, He opened my eyes to the fact that I couldn't do this alone.  Only HE could lead me on this journey.  We can never become that kind of woman on our own.  Only HE can lead us toward that ideal. 
     Amazingly, as I began to accept this truth in my heart, my entire life began to change.  I had lived the previous two years with sometimes unbearable depression; but I began to awaken to the blessings in my life and a joy that only God can provide!  My marriage had suffered; but where old love had died, new love grew!  I had often felt unproductive and ineffectual; but everything I had tried to accomplish over the years suddenly began to "click."  Over the past 8 months, I have felt more capable and confident than I have in years.  I am a better wife, mother, homemaker, and teacher.  And I know, more now than ever before, that God is in control of my life and only He can help me become all that He wants me to be!